Friendships are so important to a lot of us. They’re the family that we choose, they’re there for us when we need them and they can last a lifetime.
But how do we know when a friendship has potentially reached it’s end or how do we know that there is no effort in a friendship anymore.
There are lot of ways that friendships can be tested. Many people say a wedding is a big test of friendship, going on holiday with friends is also a big test. The situation that resonates most with me is when you leave a job.
I have recently changed my job and at my previous job I had a lot of friends and people that I got along with very well. When I left you always hear the old saying “Keep in touch” “We’ll catch up soon”. I feel these are a real test of how precious a friendship is to someone. I remember some people saying this to me and I’m thinking “no we won’t” and turns out I was right.
The way I kind of see it is that I’ll make an effort up to a certain point but then I won’t, and I feel that if people really want to meet up with me they’ll make the effort also. For example I’ve been trying to arrange to meet up with someone I used to work with and every time I’m the one who contacts them to meet up, and every time they end up cancelling on me at the last minute.
Lately I’ve begun to think that this is a very one sided friendship and I wouldn’t class it as unhealthy but it’s certainly not enjoyable. You start to feel as though they don’t want to meet with you and you’re not a very high priority with them.
As I say I get to point where I really almost can’t be bothered that of they can’t be bothered to make the effort with me then why should I make the effort with them.
When I get to point like this in a friendship I try to imagine a scenario. Say for example if this person rang me up and said “I’ve broken down, could you come and get me?” I would do it, no hesitation. Then I imagine if it was the other way around and I had rung this person up and said to them “I’ve broken down, could you come and get me?” and if I begin to believe that they wouldn’t help out when I needed them then I start to wonder if I am wasting my time.
It’s like the old saying that you know who your true friends are when they stick around when times get tough, and it’s absolutely right.
Don’t get me wrong I have time for so many of my friends but when it gets to a point when I’m the only one making the effort then I have to ask myself whats the point?
I hope this has been informative. Have you had any issues with one sided friendships? How do you deal with them?