Why is it ok?

Why is it ok to assume I perve on men just because I work in a car garage?

Why is it ok to think that you can call me things like sweetness and baby?

Why is it ok to put your arm around me?

Why is it ok to presume I know nothing about the field I am working in?

Why is it ok to knock down my capabilities?

Why is it ok to presume I need mirrors around me to constantly re-do my make up?

Why is it ok to talk over me?

Why is it ok to make misogynistic jokes?

Why is it ok to refer to me as that woman behind the desk?

Why is it ok to tell me I’m wrong because I’m not a mechanic?

Why is it ok to ask me why I’m not at home cooking and cleaning?

The answer to all these questions?

It’s NOT ok!

I face sexist comments and digs like this almost everyday but I know that women are far more capable of things than we give ourselves credit for!

 

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Just the woman behind the desk

So as you know myself and my husband run a mechanic and car servicing business where we live and I am predominantly behind the front desk, dealing with the customers etc, and something that is becoming more and more apparent to me is how I’m treated by people.

When people phone up to book in or talk to us about an issue with their car they can be quite rude to me however I tend to notice that when they speak to one of the lads they’re always more reasonable and politer. I ask myself why is this? It tends to make me feel as though people believe that I, as a woman, don’t belong in the world of mechanics and that I am “Just the woman behind the desk” which I have actually been referred to on more than one occasion.

I feel that when people just write me off for being behind the desk they don’t actually realise what goes on and the tasks that I undertake. They don’t see me doing the accounting, they don’t see me spending hours filing paperwork correctly, they don’t see me organizing the work to make sure we can get all the jobs done. They just see me as “just the woman behind the desk”.

It’s surprising how many times I will talk to a customer about their car and they’ll insist on speaking to one of the mechanics who will say exactly what I have just said, however because I’m just “behind the desk” they won’t listen to me.

There’s a lot to be said about “the woman behind the desk” and it gives me more admiration to anyone who works “behind a desk” because we don’t realise how much they actually do, we just see from the other side of the desk and don’t take into account what goes on behind it.

Don’t get me wrong I do get people who are courteous and friendly and will listen to me and that’s always a nice boost when you get someone who actually asks your name instead of referring to me as “she” or “her”.

You’re probably thinking “wow, she needs to toughen up!” and you’re right I do! I do need to stop letting it get to me and try to write it off, which is easier said than done but I will give it a try!

Does your job involve dealing with people? Have you ever experienced this?

🙂 x

Admitting Defeat

Myself and my husband run a local business where we live, which keeps us incredibly bust throughout the week and also on weekends.

He has been saying to me lately that he thinks we should get a cleaner for the house. I have always been dead set against it but today I gave in and someone is cleaning my house as I write this.

So why was I against it? Well the main reason is that I kind of feel like I’m failing as a wife in that I should be keeping on top of the housework but because we are constantly so busy the housework usually ends up at the back of the list and therefore suffers.

When I’m in the right frame of mind I like cleaning but we are both just so busy at the moment we just do not have the time.

On the other hand I think well why is it that the woman is always expected to do the cleaning, isn’t it better that I’m putting more time into running a business and not just giving into the stereotypical women doing the cleaning label!

I always used to worry about people turning up at the minute to the house because the house was always a mess. I use the term “mess” loosely, don’t get me wrong it’s not a dump, it just needs regular tlc such as hoovering, dusting etc. So when people used to turn up unannounced it’s a panic because I’m not happy with how the house looks.

I suppose with a regular clean each week if people do turn up unannounced it means the house is clean and presentable which would take some of the stress of the both of us.

I guess there is no harm us just trying it would for a month and see what the difference is.

What are your opinions on this?

Happy Friday!

Zo x

One sided Friendships

Friendships are so important to a lot of us. They’re the family that we choose, they’re there for us when we need them and they can last a lifetime.

But how do we know when a friendship has potentially reached it’s end or how do we know that there is no effort in a friendship anymore.

There are lot of ways that friendships can be tested. Many people say a wedding is a big test of friendship, going on holiday with friends is also a big test. The situation that resonates most with me is when you leave a job.

I have recently changed my job and at my previous job I had a lot of friends and people that I got along with very well. When I left you always hear the old saying “Keep in touch” “We’ll catch up soon”. I feel these are a real test of how precious a friendship is to someone. I remember some people saying this to me and I’m thinking “no we won’t” and turns out I was right.

The way I kind of see it is that I’ll make an effort up to a certain point but then I won’t, and I feel that if people really want to meet up with me they’ll make the effort also. For example I’ve been trying to arrange to meet up with someone I used to work with and every time I’m the one who contacts them to meet up, and every time they end up cancelling on me at the last minute.

Lately I’ve begun to think that this is a very one sided friendship and I wouldn’t class it as unhealthy but it’s certainly not enjoyable. You start to feel as though they don’t want to meet with you and you’re not a very high priority with them.

As I say I get to point where I really almost can’t be bothered that of they can’t be bothered to make the effort with me then why should I make the effort with them.

When I get to point like this in a friendship I try to imagine a scenario. Say for example if this person rang me up and said “I’ve broken down, could you come and get me?” I would do it, no hesitation. Then I imagine if it was the other way around and I had rung this person up and said to them “I’ve broken down, could you come and get me?” and if I begin to believe that they wouldn’t help out when I needed them then I start to wonder if I am wasting my time.

It’s like the old saying that you know who your true friends are when they stick around when times get tough, and it’s absolutely right.

Don’t get me wrong I have time for so many of my friends but when it gets to a point when I’m the only one making the effort then I have to ask myself whats the point?

I hope this has been informative. Have you had any issues with one sided friendships? How do you deal with them?

❤️

Sexist Comments.

Recently I’ve been noticing how many sexist comments I’ve been receiving, especially in the workplace.

I work in a mechanics garage (I’m not on the spanners!) I work on reception and deal with bookings and customers etc and lately I’ve really been noticing the comments I get from customers and actually how sexist they are.

For example I’ve recently had a new desk and the top of it is a shiny metal, so you can actually see your reflection in it. A couple of days later some salesmen came in and commented how nice the desk was and one of them said “Oh this shiny top is nice, have you had that fitted so you can check your make up and re-apply your lipstick?” I don’t actually wear lipstick and wear very minimal make up. I kind of brushed it off and never really said anything but afterwards I though hang on, this person doesn’t know me so why assume just because I’m a woman I wear lipstick and make up when at work?

Another example was when I had a customer come to drop his car off and noted that we’ve got security cameras installed and I have a monitor with the screens displayed and he said “Nice camera’s, have you had them installed so you can check out all the Mechanic’s bums when they bend over?” Again assuming just because I’m a woman does that mean I enjoy looking at men’s bums all the time?

My final example is more of a general idea of the comments I receive from men about their cars. I’ve lost count of the times men will come into the office and say “I’ve got an issue with my car, but I won’t tell you because you won’t understand” I have to try and brush it off because if I let every single comment get to me I’ll drive myself mad!

However recently I’ve been starting to think why is it ok for people to tarnish women with the same brush and assume we’re all the same? That we all wear heavy amounts of make up? That we all want to perve at men’s bums? That just because we are women we don’t know anything about cars?

I’ve never really considered myself a full on feminist, obviously I agree we should all have equal rights but lately I’ve started to think that sexism is everywhere and it should not be tolerated. I know they’re just comments but it’s unfair for people to make these assumptions without even knowing me.

Have you had similar experiences? How did you handle it?

Change

Change is a terrifying word, some of us deal with change well and some of us don’t like to deal with change at all.

The reason I’m thinking about change is because myself and my partner have recently been thinking about making a massive change……..emigrating. We are thinking about moving to Australia, we absolutely adore the country and have made many trips there before. We have many friends there and it really appeals to us as somewhere we want to live.

This would be a massive change for us and takes a lot of thought. However there is one snag in this thought process, my mum. I say snag it’s not really a snag it’s more of a predicament. She has always said to me that if we were to move away it would put her in an early grave. This is very hard to hear because I’ve always wanted to be able to have the freedom to go where I want and discover places that I want.

I don’t live with my parents anymore and I have a lot of Independence however when she say’s such things like that I feel like she is taking away my freedom of choice. I’ve always wanted to feel like I have the option to do what I feel is best for myself and my husband.

Don’t get me wrong I love my mum more than word can describe but it’s a lot of guilt and pressure she puts on me when she say’s things like that. We don’t have children yet but I would never want to restrict them by telling them they can’t do what they want to do in life and achieve what they want.

We haven’t even brought up the subject yet with my mum because we are too scared to. My dad is very supportive and always told me to do whats best and my brother is the same also.

Has anyone else had a situation similar to this? What would your advice be?

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Dealing with Grief

Grieving in some form or another is something that we all will go through at some point in our lives, whether this is grieving for a loved one or another form of grief.

But how do we grieve? What ways do we handle it?

I’ve recently lost a member of my immediate family and people keep saying to me “don’t forget to grieve” “Are you taking time to grieve?” “What stage of grief are you at?” and I thought to myself what is taking time to grieve? Am I supposed to just stop and grieve at certain points throughout my day, because as I see it grieving is not something that I can turn on and off it just seems a constant feeling at the moment.

On the internet there are thousands of websites that state the “5 stages of grief” and to be honest they’re all different, am I supposed to link myself to a stage and make my head do what these “stages” tell me to do. Everyone is different I don’t feel as though I should be labelled into a category depending on how my grief is manifesting itself (Sounds like the “denial” stage doesn’t it?!?!).

We all cope with grief differently, some of us like to keep it to ourselves and others feel better after a good chat with a friend and just being able to get it off our chest. When people ask me if I’m grieving I don’t like to delve into it too much as I see it as my personal business and don’t want to share my grief process with others, however other people may find this helpful to chat to people.

I’ve suffered with mental health issues in the past such as depression, anxiety etc and I’m really trying hard to not let this be a trigger to becoming depressed again, obviously I am grieving but I’m also very aware that I can’t let it overtake me (which I know my relation who is no longer here would not want). That sounds awful doesn’t it? It’s not that I don’t miss the person I would give both my legs to have them back, and I am grieving I just don’t want the grief to consume me.

It’s hard to explain how my head is at the moment and it’s difficult to remain positive in the current situation.

How do you deal with situations related to grief? What coping mechanisms work best for you?

Z