Stop asking me.

As a 29 year old woman the main question I always get asked is “So when are you having babies?”

Myself and my husband have been happily married for nearly 4 years and we are loving married life! We have been to America, Australia and we are to go back to Australia in 3 weeks time. Traveling is something that I have always wanted to do, and there are so many more places that we are desperate to see.

During my day to day life I always see a lot of my friends and family members and there is one question and subject that they always seem to ask me about…………babies. When am I having them? How many do I want? “You’re nearly 30 now you should start having babies”

Why should I start having babies?! Don’t get me wrong I love children, I even worked with children for 6 years after I graduated from University.

However just because of my age why does everyone assume I should adhere to the social stigma and have babies as soon as I’m married. I never ask my friends when they hare having babies, mainly because I don’t know what their situation is. They may not be able to have children, they may not want children, and they shouldn’t have to justify that to me!

We do want children, just not yet. There are so many things we want to do before we settle down and start a family. I have nothing against people who already have a family or may have started a family early, that’s wonderful and if that’s what they want then go for it!

It baffles me that people are so understanding about people having a baby before they’re married but can’t seem to understand if people don’t want a baby straightaway after getting married!

Whenever someone asks me “So when are you having babies?” and I answer politely “Oh not yet, we want to do a bit more travelling first” I always get the same answer “Well you need to hurry up! clock’s ticking!” Why do I need to hurry up?! Shouldn’t they just respect my decision. Just because you’re telling me “the clock is ticking” is not going to change my mind.

I was at a baby shower last weekend for a family friend and we’re all sat around the table and one of the ladies shouted to me “You’ll be next then! When can we expect your baby shower?” and then bam! The whole room stopped and looked at me and waited for my response and I genuinely think time stood still, I’m frantically trying to think of a response so all that came out of my mouth was an awkward giggle and something along the lines of “Oh I’m not sure yet!”. It was awful, the fact that I was put in the position of telling nearly a dozen people something personal was incredibly awkward.

I know people asking are just trying to be nice but what would be nice is if they think about what they’re asking to someone before asking it. If they don’t want to say or they don’t want to talk about it then just be respectful. It’s their decision, not yours.

ZoMo x

 

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Why is it ok?

Why is it ok to assume I perve on men just because I work in a car garage?

Why is it ok to think that you can call me things like sweetness and baby?

Why is it ok to put your arm around me?

Why is it ok to presume I know nothing about the field I am working in?

Why is it ok to knock down my capabilities?

Why is it ok to presume I need mirrors around me to constantly re-do my make up?

Why is it ok to talk over me?

Why is it ok to make misogynistic jokes?

Why is it ok to refer to me as that woman behind the desk?

Why is it ok to tell me I’m wrong because I’m not a mechanic?

Why is it ok to ask me why I’m not at home cooking and cleaning?

The answer to all these questions?

It’s NOT ok!

I face sexist comments and digs like this almost everyday but I know that women are far more capable of things than we give ourselves credit for!

 

Just the woman behind the desk

So as you know myself and my husband run a mechanic and car servicing business where we live and I am predominantly behind the front desk, dealing with the customers etc, and something that is becoming more and more apparent to me is how I’m treated by people.

When people phone up to book in or talk to us about an issue with their car they can be quite rude to me however I tend to notice that when they speak to one of the lads they’re always more reasonable and politer. I ask myself why is this? It tends to make me feel as though people believe that I, as a woman, don’t belong in the world of mechanics and that I am “Just the woman behind the desk” which I have actually been referred to on more than one occasion.

I feel that when people just write me off for being behind the desk they don’t actually realise what goes on and the tasks that I undertake. They don’t see me doing the accounting, they don’t see me spending hours filing paperwork correctly, they don’t see me organizing the work to make sure we can get all the jobs done. They just see me as “just the woman behind the desk”.

It’s surprising how many times I will talk to a customer about their car and they’ll insist on speaking to one of the mechanics who will say exactly what I have just said, however because I’m just “behind the desk” they won’t listen to me.

There’s a lot to be said about “the woman behind the desk” and it gives me more admiration to anyone who works “behind a desk” because we don’t realise how much they actually do, we just see from the other side of the desk and don’t take into account what goes on behind it.

Don’t get me wrong I do get people who are courteous and friendly and will listen to me and that’s always a nice boost when you get someone who actually asks your name instead of referring to me as “she” or “her”.

You’re probably thinking “wow, she needs to toughen up!” and you’re right I do! I do need to stop letting it get to me and try to write it off, which is easier said than done but I will give it a try!

Does your job involve dealing with people? Have you ever experienced this?

🙂 x

Admitting Defeat

Myself and my husband run a local business where we live, which keeps us incredibly bust throughout the week and also on weekends.

He has been saying to me lately that he thinks we should get a cleaner for the house. I have always been dead set against it but today I gave in and someone is cleaning my house as I write this.

So why was I against it? Well the main reason is that I kind of feel like I’m failing as a wife in that I should be keeping on top of the housework but because we are constantly so busy the housework usually ends up at the back of the list and therefore suffers.

When I’m in the right frame of mind I like cleaning but we are both just so busy at the moment we just do not have the time.

On the other hand I think well why is it that the woman is always expected to do the cleaning, isn’t it better that I’m putting more time into running a business and not just giving into the stereotypical women doing the cleaning label!

I always used to worry about people turning up at the minute to the house because the house was always a mess. I use the term “mess” loosely, don’t get me wrong it’s not a dump, it just needs regular tlc such as hoovering, dusting etc. So when people used to turn up unannounced it’s a panic because I’m not happy with how the house looks.

I suppose with a regular clean each week if people do turn up unannounced it means the house is clean and presentable which would take some of the stress of the both of us.

I guess there is no harm us just trying it would for a month and see what the difference is.

What are your opinions on this?

Happy Friday!

Zo x

One sided Friendships

Friendships are so important to a lot of us. They’re the family that we choose, they’re there for us when we need them and they can last a lifetime.

But how do we know when a friendship has potentially reached it’s end or how do we know that there is no effort in a friendship anymore.

There are lot of ways that friendships can be tested. Many people say a wedding is a big test of friendship, going on holiday with friends is also a big test. The situation that resonates most with me is when you leave a job.

I have recently changed my job and at my previous job I had a lot of friends and people that I got along with very well. When I left you always hear the old saying “Keep in touch” “We’ll catch up soon”. I feel these are a real test of how precious a friendship is to someone. I remember some people saying this to me and I’m thinking “no we won’t” and turns out I was right.

The way I kind of see it is that I’ll make an effort up to a certain point but then I won’t, and I feel that if people really want to meet up with me they’ll make the effort also. For example I’ve been trying to arrange to meet up with someone I used to work with and every time I’m the one who contacts them to meet up, and every time they end up cancelling on me at the last minute.

Lately I’ve begun to think that this is a very one sided friendship and I wouldn’t class it as unhealthy but it’s certainly not enjoyable. You start to feel as though they don’t want to meet with you and you’re not a very high priority with them.

As I say I get to point where I really almost can’t be bothered that of they can’t be bothered to make the effort with me then why should I make the effort with them.

When I get to point like this in a friendship I try to imagine a scenario. Say for example if this person rang me up and said “I’ve broken down, could you come and get me?” I would do it, no hesitation. Then I imagine if it was the other way around and I had rung this person up and said to them “I’ve broken down, could you come and get me?” and if I begin to believe that they wouldn’t help out when I needed them then I start to wonder if I am wasting my time.

It’s like the old saying that you know who your true friends are when they stick around when times get tough, and it’s absolutely right.

Don’t get me wrong I have time for so many of my friends but when it gets to a point when I’m the only one making the effort then I have to ask myself whats the point?

I hope this has been informative. Have you had any issues with one sided friendships? How do you deal with them?

❤️

Sexist Comments.

Recently I’ve been noticing how many sexist comments I’ve been receiving, especially in the workplace.

I work in a mechanics garage (I’m not on the spanners!) I work on reception and deal with bookings and customers etc and lately I’ve really been noticing the comments I get from customers and actually how sexist they are.

For example I’ve recently had a new desk and the top of it is a shiny metal, so you can actually see your reflection in it. A couple of days later some salesmen came in and commented how nice the desk was and one of them said “Oh this shiny top is nice, have you had that fitted so you can check your make up and re-apply your lipstick?” I don’t actually wear lipstick and wear very minimal make up. I kind of brushed it off and never really said anything but afterwards I though hang on, this person doesn’t know me so why assume just because I’m a woman I wear lipstick and make up when at work?

Another example was when I had a customer come to drop his car off and noted that we’ve got security cameras installed and I have a monitor with the screens displayed and he said “Nice camera’s, have you had them installed so you can check out all the Mechanic’s bums when they bend over?” Again assuming just because I’m a woman does that mean I enjoy looking at men’s bums all the time?

My final example is more of a general idea of the comments I receive from men about their cars. I’ve lost count of the times men will come into the office and say “I’ve got an issue with my car, but I won’t tell you because you won’t understand” I have to try and brush it off because if I let every single comment get to me I’ll drive myself mad!

However recently I’ve been starting to think why is it ok for people to tarnish women with the same brush and assume we’re all the same? That we all wear heavy amounts of make up? That we all want to perve at men’s bums? That just because we are women we don’t know anything about cars?

I’ve never really considered myself a full on feminist, obviously I agree we should all have equal rights but lately I’ve started to think that sexism is everywhere and it should not be tolerated. I know they’re just comments but it’s unfair for people to make these assumptions without even knowing me.

Have you had similar experiences? How did you handle it?

Change

Change is a terrifying word, some of us deal with change well and some of us don’t like to deal with change at all.

The reason I’m thinking about change is because myself and my partner have recently been thinking about making a massive change……..emigrating. We are thinking about moving to Australia, we absolutely adore the country and have made many trips there before. We have many friends there and it really appeals to us as somewhere we want to live.

This would be a massive change for us and takes a lot of thought. However there is one snag in this thought process, my mum. I say snag it’s not really a snag it’s more of a predicament. She has always said to me that if we were to move away it would put her in an early grave. This is very hard to hear because I’ve always wanted to be able to have the freedom to go where I want and discover places that I want.

I don’t live with my parents anymore and I have a lot of Independence however when she say’s such things like that I feel like she is taking away my freedom of choice. I’ve always wanted to feel like I have the option to do what I feel is best for myself and my husband.

Don’t get me wrong I love my mum more than word can describe but it’s a lot of guilt and pressure she puts on me when she say’s things like that. We don’t have children yet but I would never want to restrict them by telling them they can’t do what they want to do in life and achieve what they want.

We haven’t even brought up the subject yet with my mum because we are too scared to. My dad is very supportive and always told me to do whats best and my brother is the same also.

Has anyone else had a situation similar to this? What would your advice be?

Thanks for reading! 🙂